Hey there! My name is Mariana, and I'm the face behind Commitment to Growth.
I'm a Certified Life Coach and Embody Lab-trained Somatic Attachment Coach. I received my BSc in Kinesiology and worked for years as a Personal Trainer, which partially inspired my decision to focus on somatic work -- because I know the power of combining movement and breath to unlock the body's potential. But let me tell you about how I really got here, and why helping women like you is so important to me.
I was likely exactly where you are now.
My mom always said that my younger sister was the sassy one and that I was the one who was constantly looking for someone to love me, and this really was the story of my life for 24 years. I was the "boy crazy" friend in every group, constantly hopping from relationship to situationship. I was very codependent, always looking for who would save me from my deep-felt sense of inadequacy.
My introduction to the world of attachment styles came after the end of my first long-term relationship in 2022, that I walked away from after realizing that I had completely abandoned myself for that person. It was sudden, heartbreaking, and mind-shattering. Every unspoken abandonment wound ignited all at once, I devoted myself to learning about my Anxious Attachment Style and how to manage it to support my healing.
However, although I intellectually understood why I experienced certain triggers, nothing changed for over 2 years. I continued on a spiral of toxic, fleeting relationships, until eventually my body broke.
In 2024, I embarked on a deep healing journey to understand my codependency. No dating, cutting ties with any man I was still keeping around for comfort, to learn how to derive safety from myself for 6 months. What I thought was going to be a time of solo dates and romanticizing my life quickly turned into the darkest nightmare I have ever lived.
2 days after the start of my "Sacred Pause" as I called it, I began experiencing panic attacks, night terrors, and paranoia. Flashbacks from a se*ual a*sault I experienced in 2019 and all the emotions I never processed flooded my mind, overriding my common sense. For years, I had unknowingly suppressed it, and the moment I removed the distraction I had been clinging to for so long, my body decided it was time to be heard.
This experience became my debut into the world of Somatic Attachment. After months, therapy and my immense toolkit of coaching practices, the anxiety in my body persisted. I could feel its grip on the memories like it was still happening, and I was experiencing crippling depression to the point of life-ending thoughts. One of my therapists thought I should see a psychiatrist, because she didn't know how to help me. But something in me knew that wasn't the answer, and I couldn't keep waiting for change to come.
I began dropping into my body despite the terror, processing not just that one moment but every other time in my life that I'd abandoned myself for "love". My body was communicating how betrayed it felt, and I listened for 6 months. It was messy, it was painful... but the flashbacks stopped as I began feeling safe again, and my agency over my emotions returned.
I stepped into a new dimension of myself. I felt more peace within than ever before, I had an unshakeable connection to my inner voice, and I felt more clarity and confidence despite the lingering grief. Life felt like it was opening up to me in the most beautiful of ways.
Near the end of my 6-month Sacred Pause, I definitely wasn't ready to date yet. I was still adjusting to this new Me, and I still had pain to process... but I had begun playing with "scripting" my new dream relationship in my Manifestation Journal, and I felt that, with my newfound sense of secure attachment, my next connection would be different. And guess what?
4 days after 6-month mark of my Sacred Pause, I met my partner: the barista at the local coffee shop. And double guess what... meeting at a coffee shop is exactly what I had written about. We went on a trip to Vietnam 4 months after we started dating, and we're still here, stronger than ever.
My hope is that my story is evidence to you that, if you are in a season of gut-wrenching turmoil right now, change IS possible. There ARE tools to help you out of the anxiety, grief, and pain that feel like they are drowning you. Your body is trying to help you, but the mind can often get in the way. Our biggest test in this life is learning how to access the wisdom that is already within us, and more importantly, trusting it until the very end.
Thank you for being here. Your presence means the world, and you have. a place here. I can't wait for what's in store!